The Second-Generation Struggle

For many second-generation children — those born or raised in a country different from their parents’ — identity isn’t a simple story. It’s a balancing act.

Often, it means growing up in a household shaped by one culture, language, and set of expectations, while living in a society guided by another. That in-between space can feel confusing, lonely, and emotionally exhausting.

You might hear things like:

• “You’re too Western.”

• “You’re not [insert culture] enough.”

• “You don’t understand what we gave up for you.”

The Emotional Tug-of-War

Many second-gen children internalize these conflicting messages.

On one hand, they may feel obligated to honour their parents’ sacrifices and cultural values — family loyalty, respect, and responsibility.

On the other hand, they’re influenced by mainstream values — independence, authenticity, emotional openness — and often long for the freedom to choose their own path.

This tension can create:

• Guilt when setting boundaries or choosing a different lifestyle

• Shame for not feeling “enough” in either culture

• Confusion about identity, especially in relationships, career, or parenting

• Isolation, because few people fully understand the experience

Over time, this inner conflict can show up as:

• Anxiety

• Perfectionism

• People-pleasing

• A constant fear of disappointing others — especially parents

Healing the Split

Therapy can help second-generation individuals untangle this complex experience.

It offers space to:

• Honour both sides of their identity

• Release guilt that isn’t theirs to carry

• Rewrite their story — one rooted in both worlds, but defined on their own terms

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone — and it’s okay to take up space exactly as you are.